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Friday, December 17, 2004

Ho ho ho! A little Anna Benson for you.

this isn't new, but to fill this post-pedro, pre-??? lull in the mets hot stove season, here's a little Q&A (ripped from FHM) with anna benson, wife of overpaid mediocrity, kris benson:

Is Shea Stadium the worst place to have sex?

We haven’t had sex at Shea yet. We’ve done Three Rivers, PNC Park and the Pirates’ spring-training camp. We really like the highway. Kris’s two-seat Ferrari is small quarters for sex, but there’s other stuff to do. I think all couples do things like that; they just don’t talk about it.

Has he ever gone Bull Durham and worn your underwear?

No, but for Christmas, I gave him pictures of me naked in his jersey. He was thrilled. Any guy who gets naked pictures from his girl will lose it. Baseball has the hottest uniforms. I love their tight pants.

How exciting is the actual game?

Three and a half hours a day, for 162 days, of fucking baseball is a lot of boredom. There’s nothing to do, so I come up with fantasies. Owning a team would be fun. I’d have rules about cheating on your wife because that’s out of control. One, they wouldn’t be going out and getting hammered every night. Two, I’d allow wives on road trips so players aren’t chasing ass all night. And I’d always be in the locker room. If I’m paying them millions to play for me, I should be able to watch them walk around naked. I don’t think they’d object. Men will show that thing to anybody.

Who would be the first players you traded for?

Mark Mulder, Rickie Sexton, Barry Zito, Jeff Weaver—he’s a cutie pie.

How close are you to the other wives?

We don’t have slumber parties. I don’t even know any of the Mets wives yet. Wives never get the credit we deserve. Baseball should worship us for what we do for their talent. When Kris had Tommy John surgery, he couldn’t move his arms for a week. Every time he went to the bathroom, I had to help him. Plus, he couldn’t hold down his pain medication. We were flying home from the hospital and we had to squeeze into the plane’s bathroom together so I could stick suppositories up his ass to keep him from throwing up.

How did you celebrate his return?

I probably got hammered. I’m usually hammered anyway. If he’s doing well after two innings, I just party. Kris gets so pissed after every game because he’ll come get me and I’m wasted. I won’t even know who won.

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