Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Juice or no juice?
AFTER
the steroids issue has reared its ugly head in major league baseball with jose canseco naming names in his new book. i didn't see any shocking names mentioned: giambi, mcgwire, pudge, juan gone. somebody write a book about jason tyner on steroids and you'll have yourself a story to tell .
unfortunately with MLB shamefully ignoring the steroids issue for so long, the only way we'll be able to see if our suspicions over past player juice-use hold any water is to follow along with them as they enter the stricter testing stage of their careers and beyond.
you know it's been a long time in between the deaths of lyle alzado and now ken caminiti. you'd think there would be a slew of big sports stars being hooked to organ machines or dropping dead. maybe we're still expecting the other shoe to drop for these cheating stars. they may cheat serious health woes and death for awhile, but one certain thing to watch for is "shrinkage." on the juice, they have nutbag shrinkage. off the juice, they'll just have overall deflating body shrinkage. jason giambi has shrunken nearly back to "normal." sammy sosa has shrunk. mark mcgwire (if you ever see him) is apparently a shadow of his former comic book superhero self.
it used to be baseball players just got fat after they retired like don zimmer and tommy lasorda and matt galante. the new thing will be extreme shrinkage. a whole generation of guys will look like jason tyner when at cooperstown to give their induction speeches.
unfortunately with MLB shamefully ignoring the steroids issue for so long, the only way we'll be able to see if our suspicions over past player juice-use hold any water is to follow along with them as they enter the stricter testing stage of their careers and beyond.
you know it's been a long time in between the deaths of lyle alzado and now ken caminiti. you'd think there would be a slew of big sports stars being hooked to organ machines or dropping dead. maybe we're still expecting the other shoe to drop for these cheating stars. they may cheat serious health woes and death for awhile, but one certain thing to watch for is "shrinkage." on the juice, they have nutbag shrinkage. off the juice, they'll just have overall deflating body shrinkage. jason giambi has shrunken nearly back to "normal." sammy sosa has shrunk. mark mcgwire (if you ever see him) is apparently a shadow of his former comic book superhero self.
it used to be baseball players just got fat after they retired like don zimmer and tommy lasorda and matt galante. the new thing will be extreme shrinkage. a whole generation of guys will look like jason tyner when at cooperstown to give their induction speeches.
NEW faces, NEW attitude for NEW Mets
the obvious buzzword being thrown about is NEW.
this is to differentiate the NEW mets from the OLD, SHITTY, BAD, LAST PLACE CALIBER mets. there's nothing NEW about changing over the mets roster with NEW faces, a NEW gm, a NEW manager, NEW coaches, a NEW attitude. it's downright OLD as far as the mets are concerned. the only thing NEW about it is it's a group of different players this time with a first time manager in willie.
i'm not excited about NEW. art howe was NEW once. guru peterson was NEW last year. big whoop. i want to keep this entry short, so let's not get into the big NEW roster changes of OLD that were supposed to be great.
the only thing NEW i want to see this year is the same NEW thing i was looking forward to seeing last year, and the year before, and that was seeing OLD players rejuvenate their decaying careers. i wanted to see certain players avoid their OLD injury-prone ways. i want to see a team that can pull off fundamental, situation baseball. that'd be NEW. i want to see a clutch hit, especially with the bases loaded and less than two outs. that'd be really NEW. how about some defense that doesn't give the other team 4 or 5 outs an inning? how about a bullpen that doesn't allow every inherited runner to score? how about some damn WINS? that'd be really NEW. that's what i want to see.... again.
this is to differentiate the NEW mets from the OLD, SHITTY, BAD, LAST PLACE CALIBER mets. there's nothing NEW about changing over the mets roster with NEW faces, a NEW gm, a NEW manager, NEW coaches, a NEW attitude. it's downright OLD as far as the mets are concerned. the only thing NEW about it is it's a group of different players this time with a first time manager in willie.
i'm not excited about NEW. art howe was NEW once. guru peterson was NEW last year. big whoop. i want to keep this entry short, so let's not get into the big NEW roster changes of OLD that were supposed to be great.
the only thing NEW i want to see this year is the same NEW thing i was looking forward to seeing last year, and the year before, and that was seeing OLD players rejuvenate their decaying careers. i wanted to see certain players avoid their OLD injury-prone ways. i want to see a team that can pull off fundamental, situation baseball. that'd be NEW. i want to see a clutch hit, especially with the bases loaded and less than two outs. that'd be really NEW. how about some defense that doesn't give the other team 4 or 5 outs an inning? how about a bullpen that doesn't allow every inherited runner to score? how about some damn WINS? that'd be really NEW. that's what i want to see.... again.
