FRED WILPON IS THE DEVIL!!!!!

how important is pedro martinez to the mets? he's the ace of the staff. without him, the mets have the same faulty rotation that helped bury the team in the 2nd half last season. so when i hear that pedro threw 60 pitches in the team's second spring training game, that gets me twitching nervously.

by all accounts, pedro pitched well. two runs scored on a passed ball by mike piazza. you know the history between pedro and mikey. for all the lovey-dovey things they've been saying as new teammates this spring, pedro has always thought mikey is a sucky defensive catcher. his opinion probably hasn't changed much after today's game.

not sure what willie is saying to jose right here. hopefully he's stressing the importance of plate awareness and having a high on base percentage. willie knows about that. jose doesn't. back in 1992, 37 year old willie first experienced mets baseball. he was brought over here to play for jeff torborg after batting .327 (.424 obp) the year before for the brewers. like everyone on that team, willie disappointed. that ugly season at shea was enough to make him retire as a player. still, willie churned out a .352 obp for the season. jose reyes would give his left nut to have a .352 obp. willie had a career .373 obp, so when he speaks about getting on base, let's hope jose is paying attention.

you get so revved up for the 1st televised spring training game, then less than 5 minutes into it, you suddenly rediscover how boring it is to watch spring training games. today's game sucked. tommy boy glavine got a couple innings in. five other starters were in the lineup and got some at bats in. nobody got hurt. that was about it.

kazuo at 2B was one of the few curiosities going into the game. he was all right. started a smooth DP in the 1st, and had two nice plays in the 3rd, a barehanded pickup and a charging short hop scoop. he and jose reyes looked tentative on an infield chopper over the mound that neither got. probably no chance to get the runner unless reyes took charge immediately and made a perfect scoop and throw on the run.

the espn crew was godawful. an overstuffed 3 man crew with jeff brantley and steve phillips doing the color (and off-color) stuff. brantley started talking about kaz and other "oriental" ballplayers. that perked my attention during a dull broadcast. i thought he was going to start talking about guinea and negro players next.

didn't brantley watch The Real World, season 3 in san francisco with the bastard, scab picking puck and pedro the AIDS guy? There was the chinese-american medical doctor resident, pam (who later married judd, the weeny cartoonist). She explained for the entire enlightened world to hear that people from asia are ASIANS. things from asia can be described as oriental, like art or food or express trains. dumb fuck brantley talking about oriental ballplayers. go back to the stone age, you politically incorrect prick.

sorry for the rant. i'll get back to my mike piazza homo stuff.

willie: mikey, when's the last time you shaved?
mikey: uh, about 3 hours ago.
willie: wow, you are a manly man, aren't you?
mikey: i think so.
willie: you know you can't skirt my rules by flaunting your stubble around the rest of the team. they'll think i'm playing favorites.
mikey: well, gee whiz. what do you want me to do? shave every 2 hours? shave in between innings?
willie: let's just take care of that stubble, mike.
mikey: skip?
willie: yes, mike?
mikey: you have your hand on my knee.
willie: oh, my bad.
mikey: no, keep it there.

gm minayacal omar has purchased a taser gun for franchise player, carlos beltran. citing concern that beltran might fall prey to the "bad influences" surrounding him in the outfield, omar has decided that the best defense is a 50,000 watts of offense.

"only the best for carlos," said omar. "this gun has a laser sight and a 250 foot range, so floyd and cameron can't hide in the corners of the outfield or jump in the stands to escape.

gotta admit the thought of philip humber in uniform and airing it out has me a bit amped up this spring. this kid hasn't thrown a single pitch that counts in professional baseball yet, but i know he's a legitimate prospect with legitimate stuff, unlike the pretend blue chips the mets have made a habit of hyping over the past 20 years or so.

i just wished this dumb OLD organization of last year (to differentiate them from the NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW mets of today) had the foresight and brains to ink him quickly after the draft last june. can you imagine having humber, kazmir, peterson and joselo diaz in the binghamton starting rotation for the summer last year (and as the norfolk rotation this spring)? that would've been a sight to see, and a taste of that might've made the dumb OLD mets forego the moronic "fake pennant race" deadline deals for anna benson's husband and damaged goods victor "you've been" zamboozled. oh well.

the one silver lining about signing humber so late is that the NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW mets can't deal him until a year from his signing date. so relax, mets fans, guru peterson won't be twisting minayacal omar's arm to trade humber for sidney ponson this summer deadline. we might trade lastings milledge and yusmeiro petit for ponson, but them's the breaks.