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Saturday, February 19, 2005

EXCLUSIVE: Piazza ordered to divorce his beard!

mikey and willie were all smiles as they greeted each other for the first time on the field at port st lucie. things then turned ugly as willie informed mikey of the new mandatory no hair below the lip rule for the ballclub.

for mikey, who's just back from honeymooning after his marriage to baywatch and playboy babe, alicia richter, the "no beards" rule has more meaning than shaving the old goatee. what a mess. hopefully the pope will understand.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Jose Reyes is retarded

i've said it before, and i'll say it again: jose reyes is one dumb lump of shit. the mets organization is a bunch of buffoons, too.

i'm not miss cleo (though i pretend to be her when telemarketers call me), but i really don't think i'm going too far on a limb when i say:

1) jose reyes will get hurt again in 2005.
2) jose reyes will play hurt and play badly while hurt in 2005.
3) jose reyes will miss playing time in 2005 due to injury and his inability to recover in normal human time.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY does jose reyes never follow medical advice fully? WHY WHY WHY does he never rehab properly? WHY WHY WHY FUCKIN' WHY do the mets allow this stupid punk to continually fuck up?

here's the latest jose shit from the nytimes:

In a telephone interview Wednesday, Shilstone said he examined the 21-year-old Reyes for three days last October and determined "in no uncertain terms" the root of Reyes's problems, which in addition to his hamstring woes included a stress fracture of his fibula that kept him out of the lineup for most of August and September. Shilstone said he advised Reyes to visit him for two more weeks before playing in the Dominican Winter League and to see him for two weeks after the league ended to make any necessary adjustments to his conditioning regimen.

"He chose none of the above," Shilstone said. "We didn't get to put all the pieces together. So I can't sit here and tell you the deficits are gone. I think the jury's out."

Shilstone said he gave Reyes a "partial plan," about a fourth of an overall regimen that Shilstone feels is necessary to really put Reyes on safe ground. Shilstone surmised that Reyes, following his plan, began feeling better and thus assumed he was healthy. His strong and injury-free play for the Gigantes team in the Dominican league this winter probably fortified that feeling.

"I played the whole season in winter ball with no problem," Reyes, who had reported to camp early, said. "I do a lot of different things - running, fielding, stretching - and I no feel nothing. So I can't wait to get started in spring training."

Reyes acknowledged Shilstone's role in helping him feel better.

"He taught me a lot of good things," Reyes said. "I feel better about my body now. He taught me a lot of different things." Yet he added that he does only some of the exercises that Shilstone recommended because there were so many of them.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Oh lookie here! It's Omar!

oh my bad. i didn't have my kazuo goggles on. it's actually the omar-lookalike, the buffed up senior citizen, andres galarraga! take a look at those guns! wow, how the hell did he get his arm stuck in that position. ouch. medic! medic!

now what the hell is happening? andres just got his arm untangled and now he's got one of the godawful calf cramps. OUCH! take a deep breath, big cat! medic! medic!

i'm just joshing about galarraga. actually, how can you not be an admirer of this guy? he's old as petrified shit, battled back from cancer twice, and he's one of the few guys in the majors who always looks as if he truly appreciates how blessed he is to be a major league ballplayer. i don't know how much is left in the tank, but i hope he makes the club, he gets his 400th homerun soon, gives the team a lesson in professionalism and having a good time, and i hope he sticks around long enough to contribute on the field too. good luck, big cat!

Coup d'etat

the first glimspe at korean and japanese league veteran, coup d'etat. the grimace is good. he's got that half-face paralysis look on the follow-thru that i like to see. it's very glavine-like. i'm also looking forward to seeing if he's perfected the hands-on-hips posture with the smirk that all mets fans are used to seeing from our veteran lefty bullpen crapolas.

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