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Tuesday, December 14, 2004

METS-TV ready to roll!

the new york mets are pleased to announce they are forming a joint venture "superstation" with the discovery health channel . in addition to broadcasting mets games, the channel will a feature an innovative lineup of cutting edge sports medicine shows hosted by members of the mets:

1) "slow-motion rehab" - starring jose reyes - this show will be aimed at senior citizens with chronic pains, sprains and strains. jose will detail his unique "no pain, no gain, but that's okay" rehab regimen in his fun, youthful manner. this will delight the great-grandparent in your life who hates doctors, refuses to do his physical therapy and just doesn't give a damn about anything. episode one: jose shatters the myth that high ankle sprains and hamstring pulls can be fully cured in 6 to 8 weeks.

2) "the cooking with flaxseed oil hour with mike piazza" - join mikey as he introduces you to the magical world of flaxseed oil. this mystery fountain of youth elixir has been credited with many athletes for rejuvenating their careers. mikey will show you how to stir-fry with it, bake with it, or just drink it straight with a rolling rock chaser.

3) "the i'm okay, you're okay talkshow" with cliff floyd - have you ever felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel? is your body breaking down? do you get the feeling you're unwanted by your employer? do you wake up thinking 'how come nobody likes me?' bring a box of kleenex and join cliff floyd as he visits these all-too-familiar topics as well as other gloomy scenarios in this informative talk hour. special guests: denny neagle, chan ho park, sammy sosa and jason giambi.

4) "are MRIs safe?" with pedro martinez - don't take another MRI before you see this must-watch investigatory special on MRIs. how safe are they really? how accurate are they really? aren't they really just souped up torture devices? you'll be shocked at what pedro discovers. join pedro as he interviews the victims of MRI accidents: orphans who've lost their eyesight and limbs to the evil MRI machine. join pedro as he chases down the devils who profit off this machine of death: the fat-cat insurance executives, the fat-cat MRI manufacturers, and the tort lawyers.

5) "CSI: shea stadium" with jack klugman - long before this current crime scene investigation craze on tv, there was quincy, m.e. jack klugman reprises his legendary role each week to investigate a bizarre mets medical blunder. watch quincy each week as he tries to unravel the mysteries surrounding why the mets were so adament in trading for a 330 lb man with no knee cartilege, did the mets actually have the vlad x-rays? where are they now and who made the diagnosis?, why does jose reyes heal at the pace of a 100 year old woman with a broken hip?

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