FRED WILPON IS THE DEVIL!!!!!

all's fine and dandy in mets spring training camp... or so they would want us to believe. my private sources have informed me that manager willie, who's laid down more rules this spring than abner doubleday did in cooperstown, has been extra tough on two notorious malcontents.

i'm talking about cammy and cliffy, of course. first of all, willie has gone one step further with these two, going beyond the normal "no hair below the lip" rule as applied to the rest of the team and instituted a special "no hair above the eyebrows" rule to these two. cammy misunderstood the rule and shaved off his eyebrows too, so he's going around with a headband to hide the bald patches.

secondly, there is a special "sinbin" for only cammy and cliffy to remain in 30 minutes every morning. they have to stay in there while suffering the humiliation of watching kerry robinson and ron calloway shagging flyballs in their place.

the photo above was taken just moments before willie caught cammy donning the earring stud. that's a no-no. unfortunately, as willie was walking over to the pair in the sinbin, he overheard cliffy muttering to cammy, "here comes 'massa willie.'" damn, was there extra hell to pay for that. the pair haven't been seen since. god help them.